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Anal sex

Some women won’t consider it. Some women can’t live without it. But almost every woman is getting asked for it! Shall we discuss anal sex?

“Is my vagina suddenly not good enough for him?” asked one of my girlfriends after her man “accidentally” tried to put his p in her b. As the editor of glamour.com’s relationship blog, I’ve heard this question before; after all, more young women than ever—45 percent—are trying anal, according to the latest research from the Kinsey Institute.

I assured her that she shouldn’t worry; her man still lived for her vagina, though he was kind of a douche for not asking before going for her back door. I said what I say about every sex act: Don’t do it if you don’t want to. And if you do try it, try it for yourself as much as for him. Most women are skeptical of anal initially, but many end up loving it. As glamour.com commenter amarie20 put it, “You have to try it once, ladies. I was so anti-anal sex, but I love my BF for taking it slow. Now I want it all the time.”

So how do some women go from “No effing way am I doing that” to “Oh my effing God, don’t stop”? Like so:

First, chill out. 
“If you’re hesitant, nervous, or not into it, no one is going to get off, and what’s the point of that?” says Tristan Taormino, author of The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women. Try deep-breathing exercises or a glass of wine to relax. If you’re freaked by the ick factor, Taormino recommends going to the bathroom and taking a shower or a bath beforehand. Lubricated condoms can help with comfort—and help prevent STDs.

Then ease into it. 
“The number-one mistake people make is rushing,” says Taormino. Start with foreplay, vaginal sex, anything that turns you on. “The more aroused you are, the more relaxed your sphincter muscle will be, and that’s going to make for a hotter and easier experience,” she says. If you haven’t already, now’s also the time to bust out the lube—lots and lots of water-based lube. Your guy can also help you to relax further by using his fingers or a toy before his penis gets into the act.

And go slow.
Let me repeat: Go slow. “He should begin slowly,” says Taormino, “while you breathe deeply.” If you feel pain, have him ease up, stop, or switch positions. (Missionary is often the most comfortable for newbies, but doggy-style can work too, if he enters from slightly above you.) Have him stimulate your clitoris with his fingers to increase your pleasure level.

Now carry on! 
This will be just one thing in your repertoire. When you switch back to the other stuff, wash up and use a new condom. Ponder what to ask of him in return.

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The Whos and Wants of "SEX"

Sometimes it is hard to understand exactly what is meant by the term "gender", and how it differs from the closely related term "sex".

"Sex" refers to the biological and physiological characteristics that define men and women.

"Gender" refers to the socially constructed roles, behaviors, activities, and attributes that a given society considers appropriate for men and women.

To put it another way:

"Male" and "female" are sex categories, while "masculine" and "feminine" are gender categories.

Aspects of sex will not vary substantially between different human societies, while aspects of gender may vary greatly.

Some examples of sex characteristics :

• Women menstruate while men do not
• Men have testicles while women do not
• Women have developed breasts that are usually capable of lactating, while men have not
• Men generally have more massive bones than women

Some examples of gender characteristics :

• In the United States (and most other countries), women earn significantly less money than men for similar work
• In VietNam, many more men than women smoke, as female smoking has not traditionally been considered appropriate
• In Saudi Arabia men are allowed to drive cars while women are not
• In most of the world, women do more housework than men

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